You probably read this one before. I love it because I can relate to this, although I'm not in PA
DEAR DIARY:
AUG 12
Moved to my new house in Pennsylvania. So peaceful! Everything is so beautiful here. The mountains are majestic. I can't wait to see them covered in snow. It's so nice to finally leave behind the heat, the humidity, the traffic, the violence, the floods, the pollution and those impolite people from São Paulo. I LOVE IT HERE!
OCT. 14
Pennsylvania is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I LOVE
IT HERE!
NOV. 21
Deer season will open soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquility. Hope it will snow soon. I LOVE IT HERE!
DEC. 2
It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looked like a postcard. Went outside and cleaned snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight today (I won). When the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I LOVE IT HERE!
DEC. 12
More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again, that rascal. A winter wonderland. I LOVE IT HERE!
DEC. 19
Snowed again last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I'm exhausted from shoveling. F*#ing Snowplow!
DEC. 22
More of that white sh!t fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I'm done shoveling. That A@$*$le!
DEC. 25
"White Christmas" my busted a$$. Mother f*@#ing snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I will castrate the dumb b*#@ard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on this f$#@ing ice.
DEC. 28
More of the same sh!t last night. Been inside since Christmas Day except for when "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere. The car is buried in a mountain of white sh!t. The weatherman says expect another 10 inches of this sh!t tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?
JAN. 1
Happy F@#*ing New Year. The weatherman was wrong (AGAIN). We got 34 f*@#ing inches of snow this time. At this rate it won't melt until the 4th of July. The snowplow got stuck down the road and shit for brains had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I broke 6 shovels already, shoveling out the sh!t he plowed into my driveway. I broke the 7th shovel over his f*#$ing head.
JAN. 4
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a deer ran out in front of the car and I hit the f*&@er. Did about $3,000.00 damage to the car. Wish the hunters would have killed them all last November.
March 15
Slipped on the f*#$ing ice and broke my leg. Had a dream I was sitting under a palm tree.
MAY 3
Took the car to the garage in town today. Would you believe the body is rotting away from all the f*&^ing salt they keep dumping all over the roads. It really looks like a piece of sh!t.
MAY 10
Moved back to São Paulo. This is life! So good! Heat, humidity, traffic, violence, pollution and impoliteness. The truth is that anyone who would rather live in cold, lonely f****** Pennsylvania must be crazy! I LOVE IT HERE!
