Important question about divorce in USA

[Roberta Palermo]

I have a stepmother forum and a stepmother told us her sisterīs story. She is brazilian, lives in USA, has 3 kids. She wants to get divorce, but her husband doesnīt want. She said that if her sister decides to go ahead and get divorce, she looses her visa and has to come back to Brazil and the father stays with the children custody. She doesnīt work and her graduation was in Brazil, she is not allowed to work there. Her husband has a good work, but the money he must pay after divorce, wonīt pay for everything. If she finds any kind of job, she wonīt have money enough, so the custody goes to the dad. So she wonīt get divorce. I donīt know both sides, but what I really want to know is: does the mother looses her visa when she get divorce and donīt have a legal job? If itīs true, itīs not fair. Itīs so strange! Thank you! Roberta Palermo

[Roberta Palermo]

In USA people donīt have maids, nannies, the mothers uses to stay at home with the kids. The private schools before 5 years old are very expensive. So how do the mothers do when they have to work or decide to work? My cousin works in a company, but she has a home office. Her 2 years old boy goes to an expensive school and the 9 month baby has an expensive nanny. They are praying for the children grow up fast and go to a public school! Roberta Palermo

[Audax]

I have a stepmother forum and a stepmother told us her sisterīs story. She is brazilian, lives in USA, has 3 kids. She wants to get divorce, but her husband doesnīt want. She said that if her sister decides to go ahead and get divorce, she looses her visa and has to come back to Brazil and the father stays with the children custody. She doesnīt work and her graduation was in Brazil, she is not allowed to work there. Her husband has a good work, but the money he must pay after divorce, wonīt pay for everything. If she finds any kind of job, she wonīt have money enough, so the custody goes to the dad. So she wonīt get divorce. I donīt know both sides, but what I really want to know is: does the mother looses her visa when she get divorce and donīt have a legal job? If itīs true, itīs not fair. Itīs so strange! Thank you! Roberta Palermo

Roberta,
I am surprised that she does not have a 'green card' yet. Being married to a US citizen and having 3 children makes her eligible for this kind of visa. I am German and have lived and worked here in the US for about 20 years now. I was married to an American and we have 3 children. 2 were born in Germany and 1 in the US. But they all have dual citizenship (at least until they are 18). On that basis alone, I would think that this lady would be able to have a 'green card'. With this card she will be allowed to stay in the US and work. I know that daycares and preschools are usually very expensive, but once she has a green card she might be able to apply for public assistance.
She should contact a local INS (immigration and naturalization service) representative for answers.
I have a feeling that the worries about being sent back to Brazil and being separated from her children were instilled in her by her husband.

[KarlHindle]

Her position will depend on her immigration status.

If she is a Permanent Legal Resident (LPR or Green Card holder) the divorce will not mean she loses her residency status provided they have been married for 2 years or more.  

If she has become a citizen, she doesn't lose that either upon divorce no matter how long they have been married.

The situation will become complicated if she is an illegal resident or has not adjusted her status to LPR - even so, this doesn't mean she will be deported or lose the right to adjust to LPR.

If she is the latter - an illegal or does not yet have LPR - she needs to consult an immigration attorney and there are plenty of immigrant and Catholic church groups who provide free representation.

[Bindlerkids]

Yes her divorce and her status in this country are two different things _ whatever she decides to do tell her to stay here.......
Great advise Karl  _ good job

[BEJ_Mom]

When my children were little my husband & I worked oposite shifts at work. I worked nights & mornings & he worked afternoons & evenings. My mother or my sister watched my daughter at times when our shifts overlapped. My younger sister's friend came by our appartment in the morning to give me a nap when I needed one & to help catch up on laundry. (after a night shift) I gave her about $20 a week.
 
I got divorced when my children were ages 1 & 3. There are agencies that provide sums of money to assist in paying day care costs. I was given $120 a month. (about 1/4 of my costs) I went to court & my X-husband was ordered to pay 1/2 daycare costs, 1/2 medical expenses & child support. They break it down according to income. I got an order demanding that he visit his children at least 5 hours a week. Not all dads are like David, mine would have been happy to walk away & start a new life with his girlfriend.
 
Now as a mom of 3 teenagers, I work from home. I answer & dispatch calls for a local plumber & I work online for a help desk. I can still take my children to ball games & lessons. If they are sick, I can be home with them.

[M.Capestro]

This topic of discussion does not quite fit in the Main Forum or Other International Abduction forum; however, we feel it is an important discussion and have moved it here to The Village Green forum for general discussion.
 
Best of luck to your friend, Roberta.

[Roberta Palermo]

Thank you, I will pay attention next time o see where is the best place to post.

And thank you all for the answers, I will tell them what you said!
Roberta Palermo

This topic of discussion does not quite fit in the Main Forum or Other International Abduction forum; however, we feel it is an important discussion and have moved it here to The Village Green forum for general discussion.
 
Best of luck to your friend, Roberta.

[Genenut]

Last I knew US divorce courts do not determine custody by who makes enough to support the kids unless one parent is homeless and living on the streets in which case for safety reasons the other spouse would get custody. Many divorce lawyers will do a first consultation for free to explained her rights and options for divorce. She may want to look in the phone book for one advertising a free consultation. Otherwise legal aid may also be able to tell her in general what her rights are.

If she gets custody she has the right to petition for monthly child support and monthly spousal support, especially if she gave up her career to stay home in the US and support the kids.

[Nora]

This doesn't answer your question, but you should also be aware that the divorce laws are different in each state.  In some states, if you are married over ten years and are eligible for alimony, the spouse may have to pay alimony for her lifetime.  If it is less than ten years, the judge determines based on the number of years she is married.  Also, if she begins to earn money, the spouse may go back to court and ask the court to reduce what he has to pay in child and/or spousal support.  

Before filing for divorce, it would be important for her to speak with a family lawyer.  In many cases, the court will award her attorney fees.  Some courts give free assistance in helping to fill out forms and other types of help, including workshops, etc.  She should go on the internet and check out the court's websites in her county to see what type of help is available to her, if any.    

I live in San Francisco and once a month, they have free legal advice from volunteer attorneys.  I went one day and they had 17 attorneys and they matched you up with an attorney in the field of law you needed - immigration, family law, real estate, etc.  They also had Spanish and Chinese speaking attorneys there.  They didn't end the session until they met with everyone who showed up.  The lawyers that volunteer can be very good and experienced as a lot of law firms encourage pro bono work and they get credit for it at their firms.  There is another program here where you can have an initial meeting with an attorney for $25.  What I am trying to say is that there may be very low cost and free help to at least get her started and pointed in the right direction.  They won't represent you but if you have a few questions that you need quick answers to, it can be helpful.  Often attorneys give 20 minutes to one hour free consultation so you can determine if you want to hire that attorney.  

If she were interested in any of the above, I could try to find out on the internet if any of this help is available in her area.  I would just need the city, county and state she is living in.

[SageDad]

Her position will depend on her immigration status.

If she is a Permanent Legal Resident (LPR or Green Card holder) the divorce will not mean she loses her residency status provided they have been married for 2 years or more.  

If she has become a citizen, she doesn't lose that either upon divorce no matter how long they have been married.

The situation will become complicated if she is an illegal resident or has not adjusted her status to LPR - even so, this doesn't mean she will be deported or lose the right to adjust to LPR.

If she is the latter - an illegal or does not yet have LPR - she needs to consult an immigration attorney and there are plenty of immigrant and Catholic church groups who provide free representation.

Great Answer.  Was going to say pretty much the same thing.  The US Government doesn't deport mother's of American children very often -- especially not 3 American children.

[Roberta Palermo]

Thank you guys! Roberta

[Celita]

Roberta, that is not true. I know Brazilian that got divorced, got the guard of the child, work and receive from the ex - help (financila).
She is working and studying ,some  struggle but focused in her goal.
The story is not the same to everybody. I had another friend, from germany, she lost everything, without reason, but her ex could afford to get one of the best attorney...
 
 
 

I have a stepmother forum and a stepmother told us her sisterīs story. She is brazilian, lives in USA, has 3 kids. She wants to get divorce, but her husband doesnīt want. She said that if her sister decides to go ahead and get divorce, she looses her visa and has to come back to Brazil and the father stays with the children custody. She doesnīt work and her graduation was in Brazil, she is not allowed to work there. Her husband has a good work, but the money he must pay after divorce, wonīt pay for everything. If she finds any kind of job, she wonīt have money enough, so the custody goes to the dad. So she wonīt get divorce. I donīt know both sides, but what I really want to know is: does the mother looses her visa when she get divorce and donīt have a legal job? If itīs true, itīs not fair. Itīs so strange! Thank you! Roberta Palermo

[Celita]

Before five years old, they can have good schools in churches like Methodist Church, etc. They are affordable and help a lot .
 
 
 

In USA people donīt have maids, nannies, the mothers uses to stay at home with the kids. The private schools before 5 years old are very expensive. So how do the mothers do when they have to work or decide to work? My cousin works in a company, but she has a home office. Her 2 years old boy goes to an expensive school and the 9 month baby has an expensive nanny. They are praying for the children grow up fast and go to a public school! Roberta Palermo

[Celita]

The best for the child is to be close to both,Mom and Dad, and the distance will be a big issue. Sometimes the husband didn't permit his wife get a job or go to college and she has a long way to go.
 
 
 

Great Answer. Was going to say pretty much the same thing. The US Government doesn't deport mother's of American children very often -- especially not 3 American children.